Big Screen Blurb: What to Expect When You're Expecting

I had no idea that this was a horror flick. Yeah, when Val mentioned What to Expect When You're Expecting, it was supposed to be a comedy. Admittedly, for most, it would be. Not for me. Yeah, I'm weird, but nothing freaks my freak more than pregnancy and babies. To add to the nightmare, twenty minutes into the movie, the young girl of the high-school-ish couple in front of us decides to sit on her boyfriend's lap! It was as if the nightmare had gone IMAX and 3-D in one freakish swoop.

In What to Expect When You're Expecting, you see a series of unrelated vignettes all centered around someone getting knocked up--whether they want to be or not. You've got the reality fitness show star, Jules (Cameron Diaz) and her unexpected pregnancy with her beau. You've got the very much planned, but still unexpected pregnancy from Wendy (Elizabeth Banks) and her hubby. You've got the young PYT Rosie (Anna Kendrick) getting unexpectedly knocked up on the hood of a Honda. You've got Skyler being impregnated by her old dog hubby (Dennis Quaid). Finally, you've got Holly (Jennifer Lopez) who takes the adoption track, but experiences equal amounts of drama along the way to obtaining  her lil care package. Yadayadayada we experience the ups and downs of pregnant life alongside the many characters, sharing the laughs, the frustration, the drama, the...well, I could go on and on--these chicks are pregnant, right!

What to Expect When You're Expecting has it's moments, but there are simply not enough funny moments to carry a two-hour flick through the myriad of characters. I'll go with 2.5 Stars--on the southern side of okay. Yeah, it's true, pregnant women and their freakish bellies...their wild hormones...their insane mood swings...their use of the human growing inside them to serve as an excuse for any level of craziness...yeah...they've always totally freaked my freak. That withstanding, none of those provide the basis for my objection to this flick. There's just too much going on here. There are too many vignettes and too many characters to ever really develop any of them, much less connect with any couple. Yeah, the characters are likable, but this slightly watered down version of New Years Eve and Valentine's Day, just lacks in the character development department.

Sure, there are some funny moments, but just as many 'roll your eyes' moments, which leaves a rather flat overall experience. They use irony as a subtle form of humor, while using slapstick, a more in-your-face form of humor. Some of it works, some of it...well, not so much. I was hoping for a combination of a Bridesmaids and Crazy Stupid Love comedic experience and ended up with a combo Rosemary's Baby-Father of the Bride Part II. Don't get me wrong, I loved Father of the Bride, but in combination with Rosemary's Baby, it would've been a frightening ride. So was this--one part funny, two parts drama, one part slapstick; it all adds up to a lot of lightly developed characters and situations. Scaling back and removing a little star power would have been helpful. After all, add six more characters to Crazy Stupid Love and you don't have the same entertaining experience. More than likely, you've got a jumbled mess...similar to what you've got with this movie.

Go BIG? Nope...certainly not in my estimation. Of course, if the goal had been horror instead of comedy, I'd say do it. Then again, my horror continued after the flick when I realized the young "high-school"-ish couple sitting on top of each other in the row in front of me, was actually a young middle-school couple who were probably experiencing a foreshadowing of their very near future. Yikes!

True...OUT!

Big Screen Blurb: Battleship

Forget about it. I'm not going to use the phrase, "You sank my Battleship!" during the course of this review. That's far too cliche and not at all my style to be cli...wait...damn it--you tricked me! Although, upon further review, such a phrase provides an ideal descriptive for Battleship. It's a movie that is ripe with great battle sequences, but eventually sinks with a shortage of good characters, and quite frankly, good acting.

As our movie opens, we meet Stone (Andrew Skarsgard). He's pretty much a waste. Check that--as the movie opens, Stone is pretty much wasted. We soon learn, however, that the former is true as well. This means that his older brother is taking charge of Stone's life and enlisting him in the Navy. Yes, it's expected that he'll see the world, but he's far more interested in the world seeing him. He's a brash, ego-centric goof long into his Naval service. Sure, he's managed to snag the girl of his dreams, Samantha (Brooklyn Decker), but he's been quite unable to impress her papa, Admiral Shane (Liam Neeson). As he's about to ask the good admiral for his daughter's hand in marriage, all hell breaks loose...literally. A signal sent to a distant earth-like world has prompted a visit from those inhabitants. Let's just say that they're not friendly. So, here we are off the coast of Hawaii, massively outgunned against an enemy we don't really understand. Yadayadayada...Stone grows up long enough to battle some aliens.

I'll go with 2.5 Stars, which is slightly on the south side of okay. There is some strong entertainment value for my testosterone packed readers. If destruction is your thing, there are some very cool cinematic shots in this one. CG is done right in Battleship for certain. 

Outside of the sterling CG effects, there really aren't too many positive attributes. I was actually pretty disappointed. The characters are just too fluffy and flippant to really connect with and the actors portraying them, really did little to help that issue. Plus, there are just too many moments that are just a tad too precious. Sure, these are moments that are trying to enhance the story, but they're one-part cliche and one-part unbelievable. Further, the board game component of the flick merely added to the precious  cliche, and detracted from the overall entertainment value. Actually, it reminded me why I'd rather play Yahtzee. 

Yeah, there are other things that I could talk about: It would have been nice to get to know the enemy and their motivation beyond a mere flash segment. That might have enhanced the overall experience a bit. It' always helpful for an audience to be emotionally committed to hating the enemy beyond the ole, 'They're shooting at us, so we need to shoot at them.'

All in all, there is some entertainment value, but unless you're a 13-year old...or a frat boy, you're probably going to need a tad more in your movie experience. Yes, the summer movie pendulum has swung from the incredible experience created by The Avengers, whose awesome-ness has prompted three viewings, to a pretty disappointing Battleship. In other words, no need to go BIG on this one, unless you really want those destruction sequences. Bottom line: those ARE very cool, but the shortcomings are many, including the acting, which even Liam Neeson couldn't salvage. 

True...OUT!

Big Screen Blurb: Dark Shadows

Take a cursed vampire. Add a vindictively jealous witch. Throw in a seventies backdrop and you've got a set up for a pretty good spoof on a classic: Dark Shadows. Does it deliver? Eh...at times it does!

Meet Barnabus Collins (Johnny Depp) of the iconic Collins family. They sailed over from England to establish a prosperous fishing community in Maine during the 1700's. Unfortunately for the entire Collins clan, one their staff, Angela (Eva Green) fell in love-sies with ole Barnabus. He was less than infatuated with Angela, which would be no big deal if she weren't a...well, witch. Angela promptly cursed the family, killing ma and pa Collins. Next, she turns Barnabus into a vampire and puts him in a box. Angela buries Barnabus for all of eternity, which in this case is about 200 years. Then, he was unleashed by a construction crew in 1972. Ole Barnabus endures a bit of a culture shock--which is kind of how I feel every time I journey back home to Salem, Indiana, but I digress. At any rate, Barnabus is now faced with the challenge of rebuilding the Collins family name, business, and the family itself. The 1972 Collins fam consists of new matriarch Elizabeth (Michelle Pfeiffer), her rebellious 15-year old daughter, Carolyn (Chloe Maretz), her dense, but dastardly brother Roger and his son, David (Gulliver McGrath). As if Barnabus doesn't have enough on his plate, he must also battle Angela, who has stuck around to build her own fishing empire and is hell bent on hooking up with our hero once again. Yadayadayada Barnabus struggles to rekindle the Collins fire and defeat his evil nemesis.

It's okay. I'll go with 3.0 Stars. The approach from Director Tim Burton on the Dark Shadows spoof is one of a melodramatic, comedic sponge in waters that were ripe with spine-tingling horrific chills originally. Does it work? Well, it certainly has plenty of funny moments, many of which are played out with very over-the-top dramatic flare. Those are some pretty entertaining moments. The story just unfolds in such a haphazard way, that this one smells hmm...fishy. It's more of a missed opportunity than a Box Office smash. You've got some great comedic moments as Barnabus' world collides with the funky, but peace-lovin' 70's. Historically, however, this type of funny wears out quickly and you just need more to carry a 2-hour experience. Yeah, you get more, but not nearly enough to make this one a must see classic.

Actually, considering the star power behind this flick, three months ago I fully expected Dark Shadows to dominate its opening weekend. However, after an unexpected rise of The Avengers, I didn't really anticipate a Box Office win...even though the super hero competition was in its second weekend. Actually, with the prelims in as of this writing, it looks like The Avengers dominated at a 3-to-1 pace. This wasn't necessarily because Dark Shadows was so bad. It wasn't. Rather, it's because the competition was so good and is getting the buzz attendees now to see what all of the hubbabaloo is about.

As for Dark Shadows, Depp is certainly able to take a production that would have otherwise been headed for mediocrity and turn it into something pretty entertaining. However, he wasn't enough to turn this flick into a classic, not even with co-stars like Pfeiffer and Carter anchoring him. The rest of the cast is okay. Although, Maretz is not that great, which is a big disappointment to me because I really have her pegged as an up-and-comer.

 Bottom line: it's pretty good and worth a watch. If you can only see one flick this year, well, you'll probably want to see The Avengers or The Dark Knight Rises, but if you can become a regular at the ticket office and concession stand lines, well...put this one on the list. It has its moments and is worth a watch.

True...OUT!

Big Screen Blurb: The Raven

The Raven. No, it's not a bird. It's not a plane. It's a suspenseful murder mystery; and, a pretty good one at that! It borrows from the life of one of the 19th century's most famous authors. The Raven plays off of the mystery of his real life to create a piece of fiction that is interesting to follow and all-in-all, a pretty good watch.

It's 1849. Edgar Allan Poe (John Cusak), the famous author and poet, is, well...just Edgar Allan Poe. He's yet to achieve fame and is seemingly as well known for his impoverished, drunken violence as he is for his writings. Then, tragedy strikes. It doesn't strike him, per se; rather, it strikes in the form of three murders. These murders do, however, impact him; if not directly implicate him. You see, the murders are committed, to the letter, in the same fashion described in his books. This makes Poe a subject for Detective Fields (Luke Evans) to get to know. Soon, it's discovered that these murders are being committed by someone who, at the very least, is trying to communicate with Poe and at the most is trying to drive him to further madness. This becomes abundantly clear when the killer targets Poe's beloved, Emily (Alice Eve), kidnapping her and leaving our heroes to save the day before precious time wears thin. Yadayadayada Poe and Fields team up to find Emily and end the threat of a ravenous killer.

It's pretty good. I'll go with 3.0 Stars. What really legitimizes this story, is the mysterious life of Poe, himself. While there was certainly no serial killer linked to his bio, Poe's own life left much mystery which truly fits like a keen puzzle piece into this fictional narrative. Overall, it's a good story that moves well. It certainly has plenty of grotesque violent moments and images. While I'm not a big fan of those, they were necessary to the plot and easily identified so that I could stare longingly into my popcorn bag to avoid them. 

James McTeigue was able to capture the setting of the mid-nineteenth century quite nicely, in the form of the setting and dress. The dialogue, well...not so much. He seemed to fast forward a century on that one, which served to discredit the whole feel somewhat. Yeah, it looked 1849--in terms of setting and wardrobe, but it didn't often sound 1849 in terms of character dialogue. 

That aside, it is a good story with characters that are relatively easy to connect with on a few levels. The plot unfolds in an interesting way, but left me wanting a little more for the 'killer' side of the ledger. These are flicks that, once the bad guy is revealed, you just want to hate him/her with an intense passion. You want to know why he would commit such horrific acts. You want to see some remote tidbit of justification for his evil. This particular killer's 'why' was a little lacking for me. Yeah--you still want justice to run its course, but this villain isn't one that you're really going to love to hate. 

Overall, The Raven is worth a watch. It's probably not a BIG screen view, unless you're a fan of Cusak, Poe, or just need a pretty good suspense/mystery story. Do rent it, however, when it comes out on BluRay in August. It's certainly worth a late-night viewing.

True...OUT!

Big Screen Blurb: The Avengers

Looking for the Tri-Fecta this weekend? No, the Tri-Fecta that I refer to is not Robert Downey, Jr-Samuel L. Jackson-Jeremy Renner...although, that's not a shabby set. Nor, is the Tri-Fecta their characters: Iron Man-Nick Fury-Hawkeye. It's not even Thor, Hulk, Captain America, Black Widow...heck, I could go on and on! Rather the Tri-Fecta to which I refer is: Action-Plot-Humor. Does The Avengers deliver? Well, The Avengers delivers each of the triple threat mentioned above and then some! It was five flicks in the making. All of them on a collision course with this epic movie and worth every penny of its $220 million budget.

It all starts with Loki (Tim Hiddleston). He's anything but low-key. Actually, if you remember from Thor, Loki is Thor's (Chris Hemsworth) brother. Half-brother if you must know and there-in lies the issue. When Thor was dubbed ruler of his world, Asgard, it prompted Loki to look for allies that could bring him down. Uh...he found them. These bad boys have promised him an army that will bring Thor's favorite home away from home (earth) to its knees. 

Loki enters stage south packing plenty of power. That's when Nick Fury, leader of S.H.I.E.L.D. springs into action. He assembles a cast that can help save the day. It includes, Iron Man (Robert Downey, Jr.); Captain America (Chris Evans); Hulk/Dr. Bannon (Mark Ruffalo); Thor; Hawkeye (Jeremy Renner); and Natasha Romanoff/Black Widow (Scarlett Johansson). A collection of super individuals unite, begrudgingly to save New York City against Loki and his crew. Yadayadayada after several rounds are in the books, game and set go to...well, you'll just have to see it. And, you really have to see it.

It's great! I'll go with 4.5 Stars--pushing perfection with a near 5.0 Star effort. Yeah, I loved it. No, I'm not a comic book nerd that's going to love anything shoved on-screen that wears a cape. Actually, I've always been more into Batman, Superman and company on the DC side than Marvel's cast, but this is great stuff. 

We're talking about a plot that moves quickly with plenty of action, interesting characters and moments of solid 'funny'. Come on, who's not going to bust a gut when hearing lines like, "Doth weareth Mama's drapes!" or when Thor defends his murderous half-brother with, "Well...he's adopted." Good stuff that drew tons of laughs and a few of those hard-to-get cheers from a near sell-out crowd at the Pinnacle. 

The acting is great. No surprise, right? Robert Downey, Jr., Samuel L. Jackson, Renner, Ruffalo, Johansson, no losers there. They serve to bring an interesting story to life and make you pull for equally interesting characters. 

No real complaints at all. It is long--2:23 to be exact, but it moves along at a nice pace. Sure, there's plenty of CG, but it works and isn't over-the-top as we see so often in these action/adventure epics. 

See The Avengers and see it BIG! My only regret is not going IMAX/3D with it, but...there's always tomorrow! If you're not a comic fan at all, heck--see it anyway. There's plenty to check out here and plenty of entertainment for the money. 

True...OUT!

P.S. No--I'm not avoiding the yard with this writing. Actually, it's mowed...weed-eaten and the driveway and sidewalk grass has been sucked up by the ole B&D==my ass has officially been kicked, but reflecting on a great flick helped me get in some punches along the way.