Big Screen Blurb: The Five-Year Engagement

The Five-Year Engagement. It's fortunate that neither of these main characters were athletic at all. Otherwise, Nike's iconic slogan of "Just Do It!" would have resonated, leaving us without two pretty funny hours and some classic lines. Of course, if Nike were familiar with Tom and Violet, they might have changed their tagline to "Just Do It, Already!"

Tom (Jason Segel) is skilled in the culinary arts. He's about to realize his dream of being a chef when Violet (Emily Blunt), his fiance is first to the punch. Violet is an academia nut in search of a Psych program to call her own. She's ignored by hometown Berkeley, but when the University of Michigan comes calling, she jumps at the chance. That means uprooting Tom--pulling him away from his chef dreams, postponing the wedding and moving from San Fran to Ann Arbor. Yeah, I know...not exactly an upgrade, but Tom takes one for the team. After all, it's only two-years, right? Wrong. The two year program spawns new opportunities for Violet and soon the couple is anchored in a town that has led Tom away from chef-dom and toward hunting and scraping ice. Yadayadayada the couple face an engagement obstacle course as they try to realize that love and commitment are strange bedfellows.

It's good...I'll go with 4.0 Stars. It's funny from start to finish, with great characters from our two heroes to a complimentary cast. You've got some classic moments that include lines like, "It's like drinking Chewbacca's dick" to a very grown-up conversation in front of the kiddies using the voices of Elmo and Cookie Monster. Segel and Blunt are great. They're funny. They connect in a believable way that makes their relationship very genuine. And, they're surrounded by a great supporting cast. Chris Platt, who plays Tom best friend, is a raunchy and quite stupid but a lovable, side-kick that befuddlingly hooks up with Vi's straight-laced sis, Suzie (Alison Brie). Of course, the parents on both sides provide their own versions of hilarity, and might have been under-utilized, but then again, less is often more. Co-workers, relatives, etc, etc, all help make for a fun ride.

Not too many complaints with this one. Sure, it has some lulls that dropped it from a four or five-star classic. No, it's not The Hangover, nor is it Bridesmaids. Those are flicks that I ended up watching over and over, just to share in the experience with someone who had yet to see it. I didn't walk out of auditorium nine at The Pinnacle last night and catch myself thinking, "Man, I want to take so-and-so to see this!" I did, however, have a great time watching a very funny flick. Unless you've got a corner on the uptight market, you will too. 

Yeah, see this one and see it BIG. Enjoy and btw...don't ever cover a beer mug with deerskin!

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Big Screen Blurb: Lockout

It's futuristic. It's action packed. It...well...pretty much sucks. It's Lockout starring Guy Pearce and Maggie Grace. Yeah, I probably should have prayed for a lockout myself when opening this theater door and went to see Hunger Games again. Lockout has its moments, but it has skippable written all over it.

It's 2079. Some things have changed and others haven't. Cell phones are surprisingly pretty much what they are today. Prisons, not so much. At least one prison, MS-One is located in orbit of the Earth. It contains all kinds of baddies, from all kinds of countries. Our hero, Snow, has been sentenced to spend a few decades there. Unfortunately for Snow, he's innocent of those espionage charges, but he's headed to the moon, baby, to serve some time. Check that, it's a little south of the moon, but you get the point. However, before Snow can make his way skyward, MS-One (Maximum Security-One) apparently isn't so maximumly secure. In fact, there's a big take over in which the baddies nab a few hostages, including the President's daughter, Emily. So, the Prez strikes a deal with Snow--if you break in...get my daughter back then you're free, baby. Easier said than done, but Snow gives it the ole college try. Yadayadayada Snow gets the girl...tries to avoid the cons and get Emily home before the USA blows MS-One out of the sky.

It's pretty bad. I'll go with 1.0 Star--which, if you're unfamiliar with my star system, means: "You're kidding me, right?" This wasn't a bad concept, but Lockout is so poorly written in terms of character development, it's not a fun watch. Don't worry. The onion rings and king-size Reeses made a painful view a little better. I would just prefer that my concessions not carry my movie experience. These were not fun characters. From Snow (Pearce) to Emily (Grace), they are all so superficially charged, it makes it very difficult to connect with them. Emily is supposed to be the caring first daughter, but lacks a certain genuine nature that makes the character unbelievable. I get the whole, "I'm not resting on my daddy's laurels and I'm going to fight to prove myself...etc, etc." It just was not remotely believable. 

They threw a damper on the experience early on. During the opening sequence, it was a chase seen that was so obviously CG that it looked like a bad video game. Not working folks. Sure, there are some interesting fight scenes that will draw some notice from the ten and eleven year old boys in the audience. There are some even pretty descent sci-fi effects. Overall, however, it is not nearly enough to carry this one past a lonely Star. 

I wouldn't recommend this one--skip it all together.

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Big Screen Blurb: The Cabin in the Woods

Take the cast of Scooby Doo. Trade Scooby for a wide receiver and a dog bone to be named later. Add a heaping help of a "slasher" flick and a cup of "unique" plot. What you have is a recipe for the mystery of The Cabin in the Woods, which is well worth firing up the Mystery Machine.

Five collegiates in a remote cabin in the woods. Yeah, I know what you're thinking: Sex, drugs, rock and roll and untimely loss of limbs. Okay--that's pretty much exactly what you get, but there's a lot more to this that takes the stereotypical horror flick to the next level. Meet Dana (Kristen Connolly). She's emerging from an affair with a prof and is kinda ready to get on with her life. Next, there's Jules (Anna Hutchison). She's a tad on the wild and 'let's lose these woolies'-side. Of course, her boyfriend of late is none other than Curt (Chris Hemsworth), a jock who is just out for a good time. Then there's Holden (Jesse Williams). He's a jock, too, but he's got a little intellectual depth to him. Finally, there's Shaggy--I mean, Marty (Fran Kranz). He's a 420 friendly guy who has his friendly on more so than off. So,for our heroes it's off to the cabin to blow off a little steam. Unfortunately, their journey goes a lot deeper than a weekend getaway. Yadayadayada Velma--I mean, Dana unlocks a curse that unleashes some pretty ornery characters and plenty of havoc along the way.

It's pretty good. I'll go with 3.5 Stars. The Cabin in the Woods actually shocked me a bit. It was my least objectionable option in an otherwise drab movie weekend. This one was pretty entertaining! The back-end of the story provides more interest and mystery than the core story involving the college kids, which serves to enhance that storyline as well. Actually, you're kinda drawn into the whole stage in a "What is really going on here?" scene.

Of course, as these flicks do, it reaches that crazy, all-out out of control crescendo, but that quickly becomes quite entertaining as well. Yes, it's got plenty of grotesque slashing, loss of limb-head-cutting off moments for the warped kiddies. Actually, that's something that has always been more of a turn-off in this genre to me. I've always been more drawn to the plot-based suspense thrillers than the blood-and-guts gore of the slasher horror movies. The good news with The Cabin in the Woods is that the back-end story provides enough of that plot-based element that it provided a pretty entertaining experience!

Go Big or Rent it? Hmm...we're in that gray area with this one. If you can't stomach any gore--skip it altogether. If you can man up enough to deal with that, you might enjoy a fairly unique storyline for this genre. Of course, if you're 13 looking for yet another dismemberment movie, well, GO BIG KID!

Enjoy!
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Big Screen Blurb: Titanic (IMAX/3D)

How would you like a Titanic IMAX experience that is so real, you'll actually get wet? That was how I spent my Friday night. Of course, getting wet had less to do with the IMAX experience and more with the sobbing of my 6'4" manly-man friend who really struggled with Rose and Jack's parting sequence. Rest assured, however, this was a great IMAX/3D experience that did a classic flick, no injustice. If you're a fan at all of this movie or the history behind it--hit this one up and go as big as you can.

We all know Rose. She's boarding a luxury liner making it's maiden voyage toward New York. The ship: the Titanic. It's drawn all kinds of press exposure because of its sheer size and unsinkability. Considering Titanic's tonnage and square-footage, it's the largest hunk-a-fancy on the planet. All of this is unimpressive to Rose, of course, since she's more concerned about her own life, which is spiraling downward toward a marriage of convenience. It's a match that offers little love and far more strife. Enter Jack. He's a wandering artist. The unlikely pair connect, creating definite chaos among the families of both parties. However, before Rose can officially call off the wedding, Titanic--in its quest for more headlines in a speedy quest for the States, strikes an iceberg. Apparently, people had forgotten that iron, does indeed, sink; and thus, Titanic begins its tragic descent into the frigid Atlantic. Yadayadayada...this leaves thousands scrambling for their lives, including our favorite lovebirds.

What an amazing formula! You take a fictionalized tale that anyone with an emotional pulse can connect with and inject it into a historical story that fascinates all. Kudos to Writer/Director, James Cameron for creating a movie experience that has more than stood the test of time. I hadn't seen this flick in its entirety since 1999; nor had I seen even a snippet in at least six years. Therefore, the material was familiarly fresh.

Obviously, this is a 5.0 Star flick in my book, but is it worth another sit through just because of the 3D component? Well, the 3D aspect is okay, but what made this movie experience so entertaining was the combo IMAX and 3D. Going big...BIG screen with the 3D imagery factored in made a classic movie truly come to life. Yes, it's great to relive Leo in the role that made him a star. It's great to relive the history of such a tragic event that simultaneously frames the ego of man brilliantly and tragically. And, it's great to re-connect with a classic love story that touched us all in 1997, while setting Box Office records galore. What Cameron managed to recreate in terms of showcasing a ship that has fascinated us all throughout time, was tremendous--then and now, as technology enables even a grander venue. In short, if you enjoy the history of the story, or the fictional tale injected into it--see this and go as BIG as possible.

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Big Screen Blurb: American Reunion

It's the single reason that I gave up apple pie. Even further, I refused to see the numerous sequels that followed American Pie because I was afraid that their antics might ruin my taste for blackberry cobbler, or, heaven forbid, blueberry pie. I mean, come on, if anything could top young Jim (Jason Biggs) tappin' an apple pie, it would be the emergence of a purple penis from gettin' busy with a blueberry pie, right? Yeah, something tells me I should right screenplays, but I digress. To stay on topic, even my funniest screenplay would probably not top this sequel in a long franchise. In short, American Reunion is pretty good.

Everyone remembers Jim. He and his lovely bride, Michelle (Alyson Hannigan) are feeling like an old married couple. They've got a kid, which is an instant libido drowner and they've simply lost that loving feeling in the bedroom. They hope to rekindle some of the magic during their 13 year high school reunion. All the ole gang will be there...from the Stiffmiester and Oz (Chris Klein) to Finch (Eddie Kaye) and Kevin (Thomas Ian Nichols). Let's face facts, they've each got their own issues and it's up to the reunion to solve what ails them. Yadayadayada...whether it's Oz's wild wife, Finch's wild life or the doldrums experienced by both Kevin and Jim, a crazy reunion ride is on tap for all.

It's pretty good. I'll go with 3.5 Stars on this one. We're talking about some fairly original comedy going on for a franchise with around ten flicks to its credit. The story is not bad either. Actually, as someone who had only seen the original on DVD, I was concerned that I'd be lost for most of the 113 minutes. Was I? Hmm...it was kind of like sitting around with a group of friends reminiscing about a vacation with seemingly every other sentence being, "...you should've been there!" Even so, I was still able to keep up and follow a funny story-line with plenty of enjoyment.

Sure, if I would have kept up with the characters over the past 13 years and numerous sequels, this one would have probably been even funnier and the story more highly impactful. As it is, American Reunion was still quite good with plenty of laughs.

Should you see it BIG? Well, if you're after a comedy, I would say, "Yep!" After all, there's really not a lot out in movie world right now. If you want a movie that will guarantee a few smiles, this one will certainly deliver...whether you've followed the series or not!

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