Big Screen Blurb: The Back-Up Plan

I spent 70 percent of my time thinking, “Run, Stan…RUN!” I spent 29 percent of my time thinking, “Run, Zoe…RUN!” And, I spent the remaining one percent of my time thinking, “…what a cute dog!” Yeah, I was raised with the ole, “If you’ve got nothing nice to say, don’t say anything at all”-philosophy, so this may be a significantly short post.


It’s the same ole story with a new twist. The Back-Up Plan is a romantic comedy about a woman, Zoe (Jennifer Lopez) taking charge of her life by getting artificially inseminated to start the family she has always wanted. She gets knocked up by some Irish dude’s sperm-in-a-tube only to meet the man of her dreams, Stan (Alex O’Loughlin). A few break-ups later…yadayadayada…wedding bells, more babies, etc. It’s insanely predictable and what wasn’t easily foretold was stupidly and ridiculously moronic. The only highlight came from seeing brief stints from proverbial blasts from the past. There’s Tom Bosley, the ‘Jan’ from the Brady Bunch re-makes (Yes—I kept expecting her to say ‘Marsha, Marsha, Marsha’ to no avail) and Linda Lavin, who delivered the only worthwhile line in the movie. “I’m going to throw your f%*&-ing phone in the holy water!” This, of course, was when Lavin’s character was being walked down the aisle by the maddeningly narcisstic Zoe as she incessantly attempts to call her lover, Stan.

You never really connect with either of the main characters. This is mainly because you’re sincerely hopeful that one of them will wake up and realize that they are hyperly crazy. It’s like they’re attempting to play Uno with two cards.

This one does well to score one star, well deserving of the: “You’re kidding me, right?”-meaning behind the ranking. If this is anything close to relationships, (—and admittedly I’m new to the whole relationship-thing) then I’d rather plant my testicles in a microwave than experience anything close to either one of these plunky characters!

Well, have a great one…avoid The Back-Up Plan, and you just might!

True


BTW…the dog, ‘Nut’, was an adorable saving grace, but whattaya gonna do, I love animals!